I am trying to understand food humor

"I-am-dying-and-I-need-your-help".

I Googled this about fifteen minutes ago, and apparently no one in the history of recorded humanity has ever spoken these words in English one after the other (or at least as was ever reported to the Internet) ...

I wonder why this is.

I would think that, perhaps, this is one of the more common requests by people who are dying and need help.

That said, I'm very surprised that this phrase has apparently NEVER been uttered on or across the Internet.

In English, at least.

Perhaps Huns, Icelanders, and the Swiss are constantly asking for help, or not asking for help. Don't know. I'm handling a limited run here.

Perhaps this says something about the real value of Internet friends. I mean, could you imagine a MySpace comment that reads: "I am dying and I need your help"?

The response would be like: "So what?" or "I'm sure you'll love our new song!" [typed 15 hours later and in hopes to pick up more 'friends' from the return post as if the former statement would make the stiff feel more or less inclined to return a congeniality volley essentially].

So, let's try to fit this into a post that has something to do with food...

What if the person were dying of... spoiled cabbage?!?

Nah.

No, it really ain't that funny and it actually has nothing to do with food. Unless in fact it were darn funny and had anything to do with food. Like in "he's dying of gluttonous epicurean sea-urchin intake". And even then... well... yeah, though that would be relatively funny, it would still be... Well, it would actually be kinda funny.