31 July 2008

Shelly Blake-Plock gets Food Poisoning... Again.

I am the perfect guy to ask about food poisoning. So, some of you know about the notorious bout of E. Coli that got me laid up in St. Agnes Hospital a few years back. Well, guess what happens last weekend?


I have to admit, Salmonella (so named because the man who discovered it was one Dr. Salmon) can't hold a finger to E. Coli. Yes, there's much more on the vomiting end (16 times in two hours...), but the diarrhea is weak and stomach cramps can't touch dehydration-hallucinations.

So what's left to catch? Any more good food-borne illnesses out there?

BTW, here's a short film we made a ways back inspired by my first bout. Enjoy.

21 July 2008

$4 dollar pretzel, my ass

What is it about a four-dollar soft pretzel that makes me nauseous?

This weekend was Artscape in Baltimore. Billed as the 'Largest Public Arts Festival in America', the festival draws something like a half-million visitors to the city over four days. Beings that Baltimore only has a population of around 750,000 city dwellers, this extra half-million makes quite a mark both on parking and the local economy.

But fear not, those of you concerned about the children of Baltimore's pretzel-sellers. Because this year they were lining up in the 98 degree heat to buy $4 pretzels.

Don't get me wrong. I love pretzels. I buy a big bag of Utz on a weekly basis. But I've got issues when it comes to vendors totally taking advantage of the public and the public being too short-sighted to come to the festival prepared (with snacks in pocket, as it were).

Isn't it illegal for individual service stations to raise the price of gas to absurd levels during a gas crunch or a catastrophe? Isn't that called 'price-gouging'? So what's the difference between that and charging heat-exhausted customers five dollars for a lemonade?

Art-Festival-Goers-of-the-World (TM) Unite!

Refuse to pay more than a reasonable price for your food. If you refuse to pay $4 for a pretzel, sooner or later the vendor is gonna realize that they are gonna have to charge less or wind up with a whole lot of excess dough on their hands.

I suggest a slogan for our movement: '$4 pretzel, my ass'.

10 July 2008

A Senseless Waste of Human Life... and Cheese?

Speaking from an entirely cheesy point-of-view, I do think that this may be the greatest bit of food-related comedy/theatre/art ever created. That probably says a great deal about me.

Anyhow, we here at LTSRP are taking suggestions for contenders. Have you any?

08 July 2008

Scooby Doo Doo?

This is the kind of question that pops into your head when you spend the morning driving around with two seven year olds and a five year old in the back seat: With all those Scooby Snacks having been chowed down, how come no one ever has to take Scooby Doo for a walk?

03 July 2008

Update on the Terra Kettle Boycott

So, I've gotten my first response from Consumer Relations at Hain, the makers of those infernal Maryland-wannabe beer chips, concerning my boycott. It appears that the Leadership Team at Hain is meeting as we speak to plot their next move. (And note that their Consumer Relations meets on 'Mountain Time' -- even FURTHER removed from the Chesapeake Bay!)

I've included the letter below. Notice there is a phone number. I say, it's part of your patriotic duty to call these folks over this Independence Day weekend and especially today, tomorrow, and Monday. Tell them that you will not buy Terra Chip products so long as they continue to falsely market one of their chips as 'Cheseapeake Bay and Beer' flavor, which of course as I've pointed out it's not even remotely close in resemblance.

Thank you, fair readers!
- Shelly

M. Blake-Plock,

Thank you for taking the time to contact us regarding our Terra Kettle Chesapeake Bay & Beer. We strive to maintain the highest quality products and appreciate your patronage.

We appreciate your comments and they have been forwarded on to our Leadership Team.

Thank you for your continued support. If we can be of further assistance, please feel free to contact us at 1-800-434-4246, Monday through Friday from 7AM - 5PM Mountain Time.

Consumer Relations Representative

Ref # 1680966

02 July 2008

Pierogi Guilt

I fed the kids pierogies for both lunch and dinner today. I'm sorry. I already know I'm going to Hell.

01 July 2008

Leave my Flavor Alone: a call for a Terra Kettle boycott

Ok. So there I am in the snacks aisle of my favorite local organic grocer (Mom's on 175 in Joppa) and I make a surprising discovery. There's another beer-flavored potato chip on the market.

For those of you who are familiar with this blog, you will recognize my love for the Kettle Cheddar Beer Potato Chip. I think I've previously referred to it in relation to how it changed my outlook on life.

So when I saw this new Terra Kettles Chesapeake Bay and Beer Potato Chips, I took quick notice.

So, here we've got a chip that posits itself not only as a beer chip, but also a 'Chesapeake Bay' chip.

So who is this 'Terra Kettle' Chip Maker?

Turns out they are a division of the Hain Celestial Group of Melville, New York.

So, since when did the frigging Chesapeake Bay stretch up to New York? Jeez. Do you guys have to claim everything? As any Baltimoron will tell you, 'Chesapeake Bay-flavor' = 'Old Bay Seasoning'. And let me tell you, the Terra Kettles ain't got no Old Bay, hon.

In fact, these are chips that in a taste-test my lovely wife described as 'subtle'. Where, there ain't no 'subtle' when it comes to Chesapeake Bay flavor. Old Bay is strong, kick-your-ass flavor. Something these 'subtle-seasoning' New Yorkers apparently don't understand.

So, listen up Terra Kettle Chips: first of all, change your name. You are just confusing people who are actually looking for Kettle Chips. Second: don't you dare continue to market your weak snacks as 'Chesapeake Bay'. I hereby call on all Marylanders to boycott the purchase of Terra Kettle Chesapeake Bay and Beer Potato Chips. Our flavor will not be co-opted!