While it seemed like a good idea at first, I can now tell you expertly that it is not a good idea to feast Falstaffian on extra-spiced vegetarian beef-jerky substitute and call it lunch. But in the moment, all I can say is: wow.
Ladies and gentlemen, I've seen the Promised Land. And it is stocked with Stonewall's Jerquee. Yes, and if I've said it a million times, well that's just not enough. Because throughout the land, all good people should know that there is an alternative to putting a bolt through the brain of a thousand-pound animal, skinning and dicing said animal, heat and salt curing left-over parts of said animal, and then selling those cured parts of said dead animal in truckstops and convenience stores across the highways of this nation.
The answer is Stonewall's!
And just today I discover I can purchase this stuff in 5-pound boxes! Hallelujah!
By the time my insides get done with today's lunch they'll look like I swallowed depleted uranium. But no matter.