19 August 2007

Cows Can't Breathe in Outer-Space

You know, I just think it's weird that if you search 'NASA' on YouTube you get a bunch of mess about UFOs and alien cover-ups.

I'm looking for pictures of the planet Saturn and I wind up inundated with the comments of UFO freaks and alt-9/11 theorists. Listen, nothing against freaks and theorists, folks of both varieties tend to be among my closest friends and allies. But come on, do you really think any agency as screwed up as NASA would be able to cover-up contact with inter-galactic beings? These are people who eat Hardee's for lunch and whose greatest threat to humanity is that their O-class model rocket might interfere with FAA-controlled air-space. They are busier putting up corporate satellites than tracking alien threats. Jeez.

Nonetheless, all the talk about aliens got me thinking.

If critters from a distant nebula actually did find their way to Elkridge, what would they want to eat?

Met a guy while camping in the Patapsco Valley recently who swore by the Rt. 1 Taco Bell. Somehow, I believe that interstellar super-geniuses would be smart enough to stay away from that mess. As a matter of fact, one afternoon, my wife made the mistake of stopping by there with the kids whilst in a rush somewhere. They all filled up on gorditas and nachos and they all got sick. Now when the kids are misbehaving, I threaten them by telling 'em we'll have lunch at Taco Bell.

Maybe they'd stop by Daniel's biker bar. It's a destination for many a traveler, and I bet there's room enough in the back lot for a moderate-sized space-craft. And bikers are good representatives of humankind. Might give the aliens a few tips on sporting up their rigs while they're at it.

Most likely though -- if I know the mindset of a super-genius extra-terrestrial -- they'd wind up at the supermarket. Salad-by-the-pound is decent on Tuesdays and right now they're running a special on Morningstar.

Which reminds me. I bet super-genius extra-terrestrial alien life forms are vegetarians. After all, cows can't breathe in outer-space.

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