Hotter than a...

It's hot.

Damn hot.

Black asphalt shimmering with mirages hot.

Sweat through three t-shirts by noon hot.

Air itself feels coarse and sick hot.

On days like these, I realize that my diet is more attuned to colder climates.

For instance, a cup of tea. It's obviously too hot for a hot cup of tea, so what do I do? I make a hot cup of tea.

Take another example: using the oven. The National Weather Service actually put up a warning to refrain from cooking today. So what do I make for lunch? Veggie burgers and refried beans. In the oven.

I'm telling you, I have no sense and I was not made for this weather.

My father's people were from Poland. Ever heard of someone overheating in Poland?

My mother's people were from Ireland and Scotland on one side and Austria on the other. How do you think they dealt on warm days? (Go with it, baby birds...)

Yes, I'm genealogically antagonized by hot weather. My body can't deal with the desires of my stomach. I tried to make something other than those veggie burgers. Just wouldn't happen. I was compelled to cook up those refried beans.

I can't go on using the oven in 100-degree weather. I'll go on using the oven in 100-degree weather. (Damn you, Beckett).